The Lives of the Dead

Some of the most interesting people I meet are dead…

Archive for the month “December, 2014”

Some more of my faves…

Just in case you’re going through separation anxiety while I’m on hiatus 😀  here are a few more of my past personal favorites which  you may have missed:

When I Stick a Spike Into My Vein   (Lou Reed?)

Bully Bait 

Ignored Intuition

Merry Christmas!  Happy Hanukkah!  Festive Festivus!

-Adrienne

I just realized the links were broken in the Way Back Machine post.  It has been corrected in the blog, but if you receive the posts via email,  here are those links:

By the Sea 

The Philanderer

Stranger in a Strange Land

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Happy Holidays to All!

holiday message

 

Dear Readers,
gift-Tissue-Glam
If you have enjoyed this blog and would like to give me a wonderful holiday gift  in appreciation (wink, wink), I would LOVE it if you shared this site with your friends.

I feel as if I’m doing meaningful work here,  and that many people might benefit from  the stories and lessons and wisdom in these posts.  But spreading the word is soooo very labor intensive and steals time from the channeling/writing.  (Some people do “social media” as a full time job,  and I already have three full time jobs.)

It also feels a bit “inappropriate” to involve my ego  in this work. And yet,  how else can I get the word out if I don’t talk about “my blog?” (which, in any case, I don’t feel is really  mine.)

So…maybe you can help out with a retweet?  How about an enthusiastic LIKE with link on Facebook?  Maybe you could pin a post to Pinterest (say THAT three times fast!)  Or repost a favorite story to Tumblr.  Maybe   a mention in your own blog or group, adding your own take.  Let your actor and director friends know they can use these as audition and rehearsal monologues!  Let your English teacher friends know that some of these stories make interesting reading assignments,  perhaps prompting students to write their own imagined life stories as an exercise.   Tell any journalists or media hosts you may know who might be looking for unusual subjects.   Share with those in your life who could use a little spiritual boost or a new way of seeing things.

It would be so much more meaningful all around if those who find these stories interesting/useful/meaningful/poignant shared that value with others.

As you all know, this is a labor of love, but some days,  I feel that I am speaking into a vacuum.  I don’t get a lot of feedback from readers (I know…you’re all busy too!) although what I do get is always positive, which is always appreciated!  (Thank you!  You know who you are!)  But an increase in traffic — more eyeballs on this blog  — would be sooo encouraging.

So… if you’d like to do me a solid,  please help me get the word out.

And feel free to comment and/or ask questions on any post!  Introduce yourselves.   It would be nice to get a dialogue going.

Thanks ever so!

Merry/Happy/Festive whatev!

-Adrienne

 

photo: unknown.  If you know the ORIGINAL source, please let me know!  I would like to credit them. (I’ve seen it many places, but I’d love to know who originally wrote it.)

While I’m on Hiatus…

Basic RGB

 

Dear Readers,

Since I’m on hiatus for the month, I thought some of you might want to take a little trip in the WayBack machine and have a look at some of the older stories you may have missed.  These are a few of my faves:

By the Sea 

The Philanderer

Stranger in a Strange Land

And of course,  you can always go back to the very beginning (to see the strange genesis of this blog),  working your way forward until you are current.   Or skip around!  Skipping is good.  It makes you feel happy! 😀

Hope you enjoy!

-Adrienne

 

 

 

A Question for You, Dear Readers…

Hi All,

The holidays are a busy time for all.  I don’t have much time to work on the blog and you probably don’t have a lot of time to read it so I will taking a hiatus for a few weeks.  I’ll be back after the new year with some great new posts.  Please come back and join me then.

In the meantime, I’d like to pose a couple of related questions to my readers:   If you could somehow go back in time and give your childhood self a piece of advice, what would it be?     And if that childhood self could somehow see you as you are today,  what do you think he/she would find most surprising about your life now?

I’d love to read your replies, perhaps even get a discussion going, so please post!

If you find yourself going into withdrawal (ha!),  it might be a good time to catch up on the earlier posts you might have missed,  or to reread your favorites.

I wish you all a safe, happy and joyful holiday season.

-Adrienne

Beyond The Veil

aeg eye curtains sky

 

Ipo (again)

There is a veil which separates humans from the spirit world. It is neither completely opaque nor completely transparent.

Sometimes, humans can see shapes and shadows moving behind the screen. Some catch occasional glimpses by accident. Perhaps they are looking in just the right place in the right moment. Some are able to peek behind it regularly. They know how and where to find the split in the curtain. Others don’t know where to look and cannot not see anything at all. And even those who can see do not always know what they are seeing.

An earthly event with a thousand human witnesses produces a thousand different accounts, each person experiencing and perceiving events in their own way.

And so it is when humans peer behind the veil.

Humans can only see as much as their limited senses allow. The Other Side is not comprised of substance or dimension which humans can perceive or understand. They can distinguish light within a certain spectrum, but The Other Side has colors which humans cannot even dream of. They can hear only within specific frequencies. Most of what is on the Other Side vibrates differently.

Skeptics who seek unequivocal proof of the Other Side will never find it. There must always be room for doubt. Without doubt, there can be no faith.

It does not require faith to believe in the things you can see, feel, taste, smell. Faith is believing in the intangible; in what you feel, what you think. In what your heart tells you. It follows from your perception of reality.

Faith is the path to love and love is the path to all other lessons.

Humans are given this choice —  to believe or not to believe — so they may exercise their free will and follow the path of their faith.

It doesn’t matter if that path leads to false reality. In this case, simply developing faith is the lesson.

This is not to say you shouldn’t question. It is not faith to follow blindly, obediently believing everything you’re told. Try on various beliefs until you find the ones which feel right.  It is through this process, you develop faith.

Those things in which we have faith are what we love. For some, it’s God. For others it’s money or power. For the lucky ones, it’s faith in themselves.

And we love that which we have faith in — the things and people we can count on; who and what does not disappoint us; who and what we trust. Faith is the belief that these will always be the answers to our questions.

When a belief system no longer provides answers, faith is lost. Spirits are crushed. Souls are set adrift. By instinct, humans will immediately begin searching for a new set of beliefs which will answer their questions and quiet their doubts.

Thus, our lives are about the search for love via our search for faith.
Me:
I am fortunate in that the deeper I go into the belief system which I’ve held since I was a child,  the MORE answers I discover and the clearer those answers become.

I was raised in a formal, organized religion but never had any use for it. My form of religion has always been extremely personal,  which I believe is the only valid kind of religion. The answers are different for each of us, and can be found only within each individual.

Dogma is anathema of enlightenment.

photo: (c) Adrienne Gusoff

A Prison of His Own Making

(continued from previous post, 11/27.   Please read it first.  This will make much more sense if you do!)

prison of his own making

Ru

There always came the day of reckoning when I’d be pushed to the wall and the truth squeezed out of me. There were tears and anger at my emotional treachery. My wrongdoings had to be discussed and dissected so the relationship could be closed with finality.

I would listen to the litany of all the ways I had disappointed and hurt her. I did not run from this. This was my penance. Once again, I had selfishly allowed an innocent person to fall victim to my toxic curse. Whatever vitriol and disgust she felt for me, I felt it exponentially more. She would get over me; but for me there was no escape from my worthlessness.

These final conversations, though painful and difficult, came as a relief.  I was weary from dancing around the truth. I welcomed the opportunity to relax my vigilance.

If I had withdrawn completely from sex and emotional relationships, I might have avoided most conflict. If I could have merely skimmed the surface of love with no deep or meaningful involvements, I would have taken fewer trips to the black depths of my soul.

I tried. I did enter into these emotional hibernations from time to time, but I could never withdraw completely. I could not forgo passion or the excitement of discovering a new woman. I loved the sensation of falling in love.

To hibernate forever would have been tantamount to abandoning any hope of overcoming my curse.  So I tottered on the razor’s edge between optimism and despair, my mood dependent upon which way the wind was blowing.

After every hibernation, came finally an awakening; a desire. The seeds of Hope. But before love flowered, it was strangled by the weeds of her expectations: Reciprocal love. Commitment. Proof of the depth of my feelings. Intimacy.  Trust.

None of these desires were unreasonable.  Other men seemed able to fulfill them,  but (so I believed) they were not as flawed as I was.  I, however,  always hurt my women in the end.

Believing this, I didn’t trust myself around them. I saw myself like the Frankenstein monster, destroying those who were good and kind to me because I couldn’t stop myself.

This cycle was repeated so many times, with so many women, it wore a deep groove into my psyche. I was exquisitely attuned to every nuance. Long before a woman noticed anything amiss between us, I sensed the moment when the balance shifted. As soon as she cared enough to be disappointed, I started to slowly back away, using the same techniques one might use if confronted by a wild bear: No quick movements; speak softly; do not become agitated lest you be perceived as a threat, and be attacked. Avoid eye contact and walk slowly in reverse, without turning your back. If confronted, play wounded or dead.

I continued this way, one woman after another, around and around, the shape of my life always drawn by someone else’s needs. I felt emotionally distant from my own relationships, and always on the wrong side of the cage.

Unable to understand the root of my problem, I thought of myself as tragically complex. I imagined my head filled with millions of tiny gears, levers, and switches,  each acting upon others in arcane ways. I had no hope that anyone would ever understand me, least of all, myself.

From here I see there was only one moving part in my head, and that was the axis of the hamster wheel I ran on.

Each lap, I`d notice something a bit different and I`d think I was making progress. In reality, I never went anywhere. To have gotten somewhere, I would have needed to step off the wheel.

Sometimes to go forward you first have to step sideways.

I spent my life fighting to control my guilt and shame and fear without success. I did not understand that mastery over human emotion is not possible.  I did not recognize that others were also caught in their own emotional struggles;  struggles which were going to plague them with me or without me.

Humans seek the emotional interactions which move them along their spiritual path. The victim seeks the abuser; the masochist seeks the sadist; the giver seeks the user.   Those who cannot bear the truth attach themselves to liars.   Those who cannot accept responsibility for their own feelings seek out those who burden themselves with responsibility for the feelings of others.  And vice versa.

Similarly, we can only give to others that which they are willing to accept from us. Kindness is not always met with appreciation.  Compassion is sometimes fosters anger or guilt;  trust can engender suspicion and fear. Love is not always received with love.

Humans radiate uncontainable emotion, broadcasting not only in words, but in body and face; by action and inaction;  attention and inattention;  fear and trust.  Others perceive these emotions instinctively, unconsciously.

So many signals! So much energy! All there for the taking. A boundless emotional bazaar! Find anything you’re looking for! Set out shopping for anger, and you can always find plenty to raise your ire.   Seek victimhood, and your ego will become bound by every slight and insult and disappointment. Search for love, and you will find it mirrored back to you everywhere.

In my case, I sought guilt and found it by the boatload.

We choose what we seek. Mastery comes in recognizing when we’ve found it.

 

 
artwork and photo: (c) 2014 Adrienne Gusoff

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