first posted June 29, 2014
I martyred myself for a cause and took some of the enemy with me. In the end, however, I accomplished nothing except to bring more pain and grief and misunderstanding into the world. Alive, the cause seemed all-important, absolutely worth giving my life for. I was promised my reward in the afterlife. But the only reward is understanding that what I did was no more useful to the advancement of my cause than a small coin is of use to monumental poverty.
I believed at the time my death would be useful. It would show the enemy that the power and might of our beliefs far exceeded theirs. Our deaths would prove that our determination would prevail; that we could not be stopped. We wanted to put fear into their hearts.
We accomplished nothing except to alienate ourselves further and make compromise impossible.
Of course, one cannot allow oneself or one’s people to be subjugated. This is something which must be fought at all costs. It is always the righteous fight. It is only the method which I now question.
But subjugation and enslavement, in one form or another, is just the way of the human world. This is a given in every age. Somewhere, there will always be those who are powerless against a stronger, more formidable oppressor.
I am not sure what it means. Maybe subjugation exists so that we may attain nobility by fighting against it; that we may dedicate our lives to something greater than ourselves; so our bravery and faith may be tested; so we might be a part of a history that bridges the ages.
Wow. This one surprised me. I had no idea where it was coming from or where it was going until the end.