The Lives of the Dead

Some of the most interesting people I meet are dead…

Mastering the Art of Love

first published February 14, 2015


Aya (the “love expert” — again)

Lifetime after lifetime, I was trapped in the same not-understanding; unloved without any comprehension of why. In some lifetimes, I simply retreated into myself and didn’t bother with others. In other lifetimes, it pained me deeply to have my feelings reproached. I once threw myself off a bridge to escape the pain of unrequited love.

Eventually, I began to observe and learn. Over more lifetimes, I came to understand that the key to being loved is to remind others what is loveable in themselves.

When this is done as practice, one naturally observes others in a positive way, seeing them in the best possible light. This engenders more love, which radiates outward, contagiously.

To be loved, first you must learn to love properly. The art of love, mastered, is impossible to resist. But still, there will be those who cannot believe the good  you see  in them.  They cannot trust love. This is their  heartbreak, not yours. Each human must discover for him or herself the importance of opening the heart to others. You cannot cajole or threaten or coerce someone to love. Each must come to it in his or her own way, in his or her own time.

Never regret the love you have given another, even one who is not able to return it. Do not blame yourself for staying too long. Do not feel foolish for wishing too fervently. Love, when it deepens your own understanding, is never wasted.



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3 thoughts on “Mastering the Art of Love

  1. Janet Pipes on said:

    This one is terrific!

  2. I can’t begin to explain how this touched me. This is how I feel… I love without boundaries,without expectation… Powerfully, immensely… And I see how many cannot translate this vibration yet. Their hearts are closed. The one I love is closed, has many scars and is undergoing a huge transformation that is capturing him. And I stay by his side because I know I can show him how wonderful he is, how lovable he is and how much he is loved. I wish everyone would love like this. One day they will 😊

    • Hi Ivy,

      I wish you luck with this. I too have been in relationships where I invested a lot of emotion, hoping it would bring about an epiphany in him. Sadly, it never did. I would never say that effort is wasted, but I think it’s important to always be aware of what YOU are getting out of it. If it increases your understanding of love, if you are learning about yourself, if you are learning to be more tolerant and more forgiving, if you are deepening spiritually from this relationship, then it’s worth sticking with it because those are all valuable lessons regardless of the outcome of the relationship.

      But if the time comes when you are frustrated and miserable more than you are happy and gratified; when you are no longer learning anything new but just going around in circles repeating the same old, same old, being fooled into thinking things will change, then that’s the time to re-evaluate and probably move on.

      We cannot make others change. We can only be there for them and if they choose to take the lesson, great. If not, it’s time to uninvest ourselves emotionally from the goal of changing them. We have to just let them be, as they are, faults and all…which may mean that a serious romantic/full time relationship is not possible. Such a relationship requires compromise and forgiveness on both sides. If the other is not willing to meet you halfway, it’s hard to maintain such a relationship long-term. Eventually, you’re going to get tired and fed up of doing all the work. (Although, in the end, YOU will take away all the benefits.)

      I wish you well and hope it all works out for you both!


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