No Philosophy, No Mechanism
First published 8/16/15
From the time she left me until the end of her life, all I wished for was that she would finally comprehend what I’d always been trying to make her understand. Even after the years passed, I always held out hope that one day she would have an epiphany and all would become clear; that she would finally see her own truth from a new perspective, one which afforded her safe distance from her pain. I prayed that one day she would see in herself all the beauty that I saw. I willed that she would understand that believing something is either good or bad fortune is simply a matter of perspective.
She was too unhappy, too caught up in her own pain, to make sense of any of it. I tried with all the love and forgiveness I could muster to keep at her my side, though she fought me as if I were a demon. She lashed out at everything – good and bad –equally. She had no philosophy, no mechanism by which to extract any value from her suffering.
A tragic life is one in which suffering is in vain. Where pain brings no growth; no advancement in understanding; no deeper empathy for others. No breaking of walls. No ability to be vulnerable. No opening of the mind and spirit. No conquest of fear.
Fear shades the light which illuminates the Truth.
As I was writing this, my first impression was that it was a man speaking of his lover, but after a while I had the sense it was a parent speaking of their deeply unhappy, emotionally-challenged child. There was pain because the child predeceased the parent (by suicide, perhaps.)