The Lives of the Dead

Some of the most interesting people I meet are dead…

Archive for the category “lucid dreaming”

Another Vivid Dream, This Time, Mine

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The other night at four a.m.,  I awakened from a dream so vivid,  that even after I’d gotten up and gone to the bathroom, and crawled back into bed, I felt myself still in that dream reality. Even now, I can close my eyes and be there again.  Normally, for me,  dreams evaporate quickly upon awakening unless I write them down or tell them to my husband. But not this one.  It’s as if it actually happened.  And dreams usually have that fuzzy quality to them.  Not this one.

The entire thing unfolded from my perspective, viewed through my eyes, with me  feeling the feelings, but it wasn’t actually me.

I am in my apartment in dreamland (which is nothing like my actual apartment.)   In the dream, it was also about four a.m.  I am sleeping I think on a pull-out sofa because I’m close to the door. I hear something outside in the hallway. I look through the keyhole.  My neighbor, a  young man —  younger than me by at least a decade or two —  is sitting with his back against the wall,  caddy-corner to my entrance.  His knees are drawn up to his chest, his arms are wrapped around his legs, his face is resting between his knees. He is absolutely still.

He often goes out in the evenings and comes home late, having partied himself into oblivion.  Tonight, he’s either drunk or high.  I can’t quite tell.  I’m getting no emotional reading from him. He seems completely inert.

He is a veteran and he suffers from PTSD.  In the time that we’ve been neighbors,   I have been kind to him. Occasionally we have had some serious conversations about a variety of things,  but I would not say we are friends. We hardly have anything in common.

He says nothing.  Doesn’t move.  But I know he wants  me to open my door so he can cry on my shoulder, otherwise why would he be sitting there?   But it’s the middle of the night.  I am not his therapist.  His problems are way above my pay grade.  I don’t know how to help him or that I even could. I feel compassion for him but he’s my neighbor,  a virtual stranger.  I am not willing let him become accustomed to leaning on me emotionally.  He’s not my patient, not my child, not my family member.  He needs professional help which I cannot provide.

Through the door, I speak to him sternly but kindly.  “Go home.  It’s late.”

Eventually I hear him shuffling off to his apartment, which is diagonally across from mine.  There are  just two apartments on the landing with a staircase up the middle.

I go back to bed, waiting for the click of his door but I don’t hear it.  I return to the key hole and look again. It’s hard to see his door from mine as the staircase is in the way, but I can see him leaning, with his head against his own door,  standing only from inertia,  not moving. I really do not want to get involved with him now but I cannot let him stand there all night.  I just want him to go into his own apartment and sleep it off.

I open my door and go over to him. He is almost in a fugue state. Barely there.  “Give me your key” I say, and he does.  I open the door for him and push him inside towards his couch.  “Sleep.  You will feel better in the morning.”    I’m doing the bare minimum to keep him safe, without getting sucked into one of his crying jags.   It’s the middle of the night!  I’m not on call! This is not my job.

I close the door after him and go back to  my apartment,  any vague sense of responsibility  assuaged.  I’m just dozing off when I hear his door open again.  I look out through the peep hole and I see him leaving. He is wearing rubber gloves and carrying what appears to be cleaning supplies.  This makes no sense to me.

I am afraid he’s going to get into trouble out there in his condition.  Even for him,  his behavior this evening has been bizarre.

I call the police. Tell them what’s happened.  I ask them to go find him before he hurts himself or someone else. They ask me for the make of his car.  I tell him I have no idea.  I’ve seen him in it a few times; it’s a nondescript midsize vehicle.  I can’t give them any more than that.  They seem to be blowing me off.  I get angry and ask them if they can’t look up the vehicle based on his name and address.  I am seriously concerned that he’s going to do something bad.  While I do not feel  personally responsible for him,  I cannot ignore this.  If he caused an accident or got himself into serious trouble,  I would feel guilty.

The dream ended there, with me trying to get the police to go after him.  But because it was so vivid,  it was  easy to put myself back into the reality of it.  I reran the whole thing in my head a couple of times, trying to determine if there was any meaning to this.   Later,  somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, I understand what had actually happened:  He had already killed somebody earlier in the evening and he was going back out to attempt to cover his tracks and/or hide the evidence.   This explained his strange impenetrable mood, his total lack of affect.   That night, he had finally hit bottom, and there would be no climbing back out of it.

 

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Let’s Get (Quantum) Physical

first published June 16, 2016
multiverse

Big Bang Discovery Opens Doors to the “Multiverse” –  NatGeo

 

I’ve been reading a lot lately on quantum physics.  More and more, it seems science and spirituality are finding common ground.  I wanted to share some readings and thoughts on that subject, and would be most interested to hear what you have to say…

*****

For a long time, physicists have been theorizing about the possibility (probability?) of a multiverse — an infinite number of universes, each of which may be significantly or just minimally different from ours.   In one universe, you’re married to your high school sweetheart; in another, you never marry at all.   In some universe, Al Gore wins the U.S. election in 2000 and Bush never ascends to the presidency. In another universe, the Axis Powers prevail in World War II. All these universes co-exist, but they are generally opaque to us. We are only able to perceive the universe in which we exist. In fact, experiments in quantum physics demonstrate that the existence of particles (of which we are all made) is strictly a matter of observation.  (It’s all very complicated and goes against all rational logic. Even the great Nobel physicist Richard Feynmann said, “I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics.”) Some physicists believe that, in fact, parallel universes can and do, indeed, interact with ours.

I find it fascinating that science is now providing supporting evidence for many spiritual philosophies.

For example, many medical doctors, scientists and spiritual philosophers (and I, too) believe that consciousness exists outside the human brain.  I’ve long believed that our minds are merely receptors , much the way a radio does not produce music but rather receives, amplifies, and translates the waves that produce it.   It’s easy to imagine someone with no understanding of radio waves believing the sounds are created within the box.  Are we humans naïve and egotistical to believe that our consciousness is self-originating?   Are we as laughably ignorant as a primitive tribesman looking for the tiny person inside a transistor radio?

If infinite external consciousness exists,   it would certainly answer quite a number of questions humans have been posing for millennia, not the least of which is what actually happens when we dream. Might we be able to pass into, or at least glimpse, other universes via our dreams?

***

Have you ever dreamed so vividly that upon awakening, you felt as if you’d actually been somewhere else; had a real experience?

Last night, I had such a dream.

I had been living in a foreign country and was leaving the next day for home. In this place, all the buildings were insanely tall. Real estate on those high floors was very limited and so expensive, even the rich could not afford to live there. Instead, people lived lower down with no view/little sunlight. Those with money, however, were able to buy small rooms on high floors, most with balconies, where they might partake of some sunshine and a less obstructed view of the sky. Most were just large enough for a day bed, perhaps a small desk. These were not living quarters; just a place to spend a few hours now and then, to get “above it all.”

On my last evening,  I was at a party in the room of a couple I know (in real life). Theirs was larger than most and had a long terrace. I was able to clearly see all the details– the furnishings, the guests, the layout, the view.

Suddenly, an ex-lover of mine showed up uninvited. He was someone I hadn’t seen in a long time and who I’d long written off (someone I’d loved in real life). My first thought was, “What is he doing here? I don’t want to see him. I am leaving here tomorrow, and leaving him in my past.” But he pulled me out onto the balcony for a serious conversation. I resisted at first, but we ended up speaking at length, with great intimacy, holding and touching each other,  I’d been sure that I had no feelings for him anymore, but there we were, talking nose to nose with love and familiarity, the fire kindled anew. All the old emotions came rushing back. The sense of intimacy was emotionally powerful and very real.

Then, like fast-forwarding a film, it’s ten years into the future and I’m looking back on my life. I never did go home the next day, but rather stayed and married him. We had two children together. (There were no other details.)

When I awoke, the feelings were still vivid.   I felt as if I’d actually lived the experience.

This was absolutely not a wish-fulfillment dream. It was rather surprising that I could still conjure any feelings for him, even in a dream state, and kind of mind-boggling to imagine that perhaps in some other time and place we might have stayed together.

It left me wondering if dreams are not only a manifestation of our psyche (which they certainly often are), but if they are also sometimes a doorway into another plane or universe; a channel to access information which is not available to our hyper-critical waking minds.

As usual, I don’t have answers. Only questions.   Curious to hear your thoughts on this.

Let’s Get (Quantum) Physical

multiverse

Big Bang Discovery Opens Doors to the “Multiverse” –  NatGeo

 

 

 

I’ve been reading a lot lately on quantum physics.  More and more, it seems science and spirituality are finding common ground.  I wanted to share some readings and thoughts on that subject, and would be most interested to hear what you have to say…

*****

For a long time, physicists have been theorizing about the possibility (probability?) of a multiverse — an infinite number of universes, each of which may be significantly or just minimally different from ours.   In one universe, you’re married to your high school sweetheart; in another, you never marry at all.   In some universe, Al Gore wins the U.S. election in 2000 and Bush never ascends to the presidency. In another universe, the Axis Powers prevail in World War II. All these universes co-exist, but they are generally opaque to us. We are only able to perceive the universe in which we exist. In fact, experiments in quantum physics demonstrate that the existence of particles (of which we are all made) is strictly a matter of observation.  (It’s all very complicated and goes against all rational logic. Even the great Nobel physicist Richard Feynmann said, “I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics.”) Some physicists believe that, in fact, parallel universes can and do, indeed, interact with ours.

I find it fascinating that science is now providing supporting evidence for many spiritual philosophies.

For example, many medical doctors, scientists and spiritual philosophers (and I, too) believe that consciousness exists outside the human brain.  I’ve long believed that our minds are merely receptors , much the way a radio does not produce music but rather receives, amplifies, and translates the waves that produce it.   It’s easy to imagine someone with no understanding of radio waves believing the sounds are created within the box.  Are we humans naïve and egotistical to believe that our consciousness is self-originating?   Are we as laughably ignorant as a primitive tribesman looking for the tiny person inside a transistor radio?

If infinite external consciousness exists,   it would certainly answer quite a number of questions humans have been posing for millennia, not the least of which is what actually happens when we dream. Might we be able to pass into, or at least glimpse, other universes via our dreams?

***

Have you ever dreamed so vividly that upon awakening, you felt as if you’d actually been somewhere else; had a real experience?

Last night, I had such a dream.

I had been living in a foreign country and was leaving the next day for home. In this place, all the buildings were insanely tall. Real estate on those high floors was very limited and so expensive, even the rich could not afford to live there. Instead, people lived lower down with no view/little sunlight. Those with money, however, were able to buy small rooms on high floors, most with balconies, where they might partake of some sunshine and a less obstructed view of the sky. Most were just large enough for a day bed, perhaps a small desk. These were not living quarters; just a place to spend a few hours now and then, to get “above it all.”

On my last evening,  I was at a party in the room of a couple I know (in real life). Theirs was larger than most and had a long terrace. I was able to clearly see all the details– the furnishings, the guests, the layout, the view.

Suddenly, an ex-lover of mine showed up uninvited. He was someone I hadn’t seen in a long time and who I’d long written off (someone I’d loved in real life). My first thought was, “What is he doing here? I don’t want to see him. I am leaving here, and leaving him in my past.” But he pulled me out onto the balcony for a serious conversation. I resisted at first, but ended up speaking at length, with great intimacy, holding and touching each other,  I’d been sure that I had no feelings for him anymore, but there we were, talking nose to nose with love and familiarity, the fire kindled anew. All the old emotions came rushing back. The sense of intimacy was emotionally powerful and very real.

Then, like fast-forwarding a film, it’s ten years into the future and I’m looking back on my life. I never did go home the next day, but rather stayed and married him. We had two children together. (There were no other details.)

When I awoke, the feelings were still vivid.   I felt as if I’d actually lived the experience.

This was absolutely not a wish-fulfillment dream. It was rather surprising that I could still conjure any feelings for him, even in a dream state, and kind of mind-boggling to imagine that perhaps in some other time and place we might have stayed together.

It left me wondering if dreams are not only a manifestation of our psyche (which they certainly often are), but if they are also sometimes a doorway into another plane or universe; a channel to access information which is not available to our hyper-critical waking minds.

As usual, I don’t have answers. Only questions.   Curious to hear your thoughts on this.

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